Grieving the Living

Grief. It’s hard enough when you lose someone you love to death but it’s even harder when that person is still alive.

It’s not that you want them to be gone but it’s that the version of them that you knew and loved is gone.

You don’t know where the old version of that person went.

They look the same, yet they are entirely different. Completely unrecognizable.

You grieve for who they were.

You miss the good memories.

You grieve the memories that will never be.

You desperately want them to come back.

You want them to be who they were. Who you know they are.

But you don’t know if they will ever come back.

10 Things I Hate About You…

I hate the way you cut me out of your life

and how you left without a word

I hate your stupid hair

and your big goofy grin

I hate the way you stopped calling

and how you changed overnight

I hate that you made me laugh

even worse that you made me cry

I hate it when you lie

and the fact that you let us drift apart

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you

not even close

not even a little

not even at all

Level Of Concern - Life During A Pandemic

We’re living in scary times with the current COVID-19 pandemic. If you asked me 3 months ago what I would be doing now I never would have thought we’d be quarantined due to a pandemic. There are a lot of people who are struggling with being stuck inside and not being able to go out with friends/family. For me, my quarantine life isn’t much different from my normal life. I’m an introvert and typically spent most of my days at home. I’m typically reading a book, watching one of my many favorite TV shows, or maybe watching a movie.

Now, there is this fear that lurks around. The fear that I could catch this virus or someone I love could catch it. That is frightening enough on it's own but it's even scarier if you have a compromised immune system and a underlying condition. I have both. I was born with asthma and my lungs (on their own) only function at 40-60%. I have an inhaler that brings my lung function up to 100% but it also weakens my immune system. Which, of course, puts me at greater risk of contracting the virus and it becoming severe or even fatal. Also, if I did contract the virus and survived, it could cut my lung function down even more by an additional 20-30%.

Fear has a way of creeping into our lives. Now more than ever. Sometimes it can feel like you’re drowning in these fears. Something that helps me get above those fears is music. Music helps calm these fears even if only for a moment.

Twenty one pilots recently released a new single called “Level of Concern.” Tyler Joseph called the song “simple but hopeful.” It’s a song about his thoughts concerning the recent effects the COVID-19 pandemic has had on society. Tyler says, “in a world where you could just lie to me / and I’d be okay, we’ll be okay.” He is presumably asking his wife, Jenna, for comfort even if it isn’t true.

I’ve probably listened to this song one hundred times since it came out. The lyrics play through my head even when I’m not listening to the song. “Panic on the brain, world has gone insane / Things are starting to get heavy.” The world seems to be in chaos. Some people were panicked and began hoarding everything from water to toilet paper preparing for quarantine. Others, did the insane thing and ignored the stay at home order. The things happening in the world can weigh on the mind especially since most of us can’t do anything about it. Despite this, it can still help for someone you love and care about to say that everything will be okay. “And you could bring down my level of concern / Just need you to tell me we’re alright / Tell me we’re okay.”

Joseph’s mom inspired him to write a song for his fans during these uncertain times. He writes about his feelings of helplessness and our lack of control over the current situation. Tyler decided to experiment with this song and write it on electric guitar. A portion of the single’s proceeds will be donated to ‘Crew Nation,’ an organization that helps individuals who work in the live performance industry that were laid off because of the coronavirus pandemic.

The music video shows Tyler and Josh quarantined in their homes with their families. They collaborate on this song and video by mailing a USB drive to one another. The video also expresses that hanging out with your friends, even those that may live right next door, is not social distancing. They successfully collaborated on a song and made a music video while maintaining a safe distance.